When I'm Sick

I find that my brain's capacity for logic -- as limited as it may be under normal circumstances -- is completely shut down whenever I fall ill.  What then happens within the recesses of my mind is a sort of anarchic takeover wherein logical thought and common sense are thrown out the window, only to be quickly replaced by fanciful fluff and jokes that no one but myself may find funny.


Take, for instance, the other day: I woke up with a horrible head cold and could barely stand up properly.  Upon looking in the mirror, it was revealed that my hair resembled that of Russell Brand (pre-Katy Perry, of course...I can barely look at him now that he's with her.  He's too....polished and proper looking.  How dare he!); I proudly wore this hairstyle for the remainder of the day, social appearances be damned.

Now, normally sharing my likeness with such a celebrity wouldn't be a problem.  However, after lying on my Couch of Death for an hour-long reading session and waiting impatiently for The Strokes to come on Ellen, I decided I absolutely needed to bless the world with my presence.  And so it was that I ventured out into the summer heat (about 15-20 degrees Celsius) in a billion layers of clothes, so that I ended up looking like this:

Did you know that my biceps look like tyres?
No?  Well, now you do!

During my epic drive to the grocery store, I improvised lyrics to a Katy Perry song that I am vaguely familiar with, laughing forever as each comedic morsel left its sweet aftertaste on my tongue (note: these jokes mostly rivalled those of a six-year-old who has just found out that changing the beginning letter of each word can have ridiculous and nonsensical results).


Then, while in the beans aisle of the supermarket, I found myself reaching for a bag of black eyed peas, which immediately prompted me to shout, "DIRTY BIT!" and perform a 5 second, half-assed version of the Robot. I then quickly left the aisle before anyone could give me any dirty looks.


Honestly, I don't even remember anything else after that point -- but I'll take that as a good sign, I suppose.  Anyway, the moral of this story is that I shouldn't be allowed to leave the house when I'm sick, as I'm clearly incapable of accessing the part of my brain that handles common sense and rationality under such circumstances.